Your standing around in your backyard when a huge fierce ferocious life threatening man eater enters your personal space what do you do ?well there has been many ways people survive the wild, such as eating everything you find , being extremely resourceful and surviving attacks from wild animals through extreme brains and frostie. However surviving attacks from the neighbours dogs or animals that adjust to suburban life can be challenging, or so u think. Most people that have been attacked by wild animals have died horribly and i personally have never found myself in such a situation however if you find yourself up against it, here are a few tips that I’ve picked up over the course of my life here in the chaos that is suburbia:
1) Never stick your thumb out to animals’ u think look cute, they'll bite your freaking head off or in my case my thumb.
2) If its got balls kick them (just cause it isn’t human doesn't mean it don't hurt if you kick it in the can)
3) If you’re being chased by a neighbours dog down a straight road and you can't outrun it try running in circles as the dog will do the same and eventually start chasing its tail, (don't hold me to that one especially if your name is ace)
4) If you’re a lady and your out at night and you feel the jaws of a tiger sink into your back take of your high heels and give it a good whack (P.S may be a drunken guy).
So there are just a few ways in which all of us can survive attacks from suburban animals, and remember when in peril always think, what would bear grylls do?
Cheers from pat warren
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